


But right now I can't be what you want/Just give it time

by CaptainGay



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-09 18:48:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8907823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainGay/pseuds/CaptainGay
Summary: (Will not be continued.)Post 2x08. Mature for language, suggestive content, and violence.Lena needs space and time, but she still hates it. Kara's wheels start turning. Some relationships heal, some develop, some crumble.





	1. Invasion!

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song You and I by PVRIS.  
> Sorry if there are spelling or grammar errors, I am writing this on my phone and usually late at night.  
> I dont know where this plot will go after Chapter 2, but we will cross that bridge when we get to it. I also dont know how many chapters this will be.  
> I will not be posting every day. I will probably be posting every 2-4 days depending on how easily ideas come to me.  
> Im not the best writer, but I hope you all enjoy.  
> (Sorry if this fic is similar to others.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been edited.

She knew leaving without telling her sister where she was going was a horrible idea. It was an even worse of an idea when Kara remembered she wasn't just leaving National City, but her entire Earth as well. She just couldn't help herself. She had made a promise to Barry Allen that she would help him when the time came. Plus, she couldn't stand the thought of her friends in danger, having to leave them to fight alone against some evil aliens called the Dominators and not being able to go help them after explaining to Alex where she was going, if Alex even let her go at all, since they were on another Earth that she had no idea how to get to. Third, she loved the feeling of being someone's first choice to help instead of her cousin, who she has been trying to distinguish herself from ever since she revealed herself to the world and became Supergirl. And as much as Kara didn't want to admit to herself, she needed space from Lena, and she thought that traveling to another Earth might be just the right amount of space to allow her to think of something other than Lena Luthor. Boy, was she wrong.  
  
Kara spent most of her time on Earth 1 worrying: about the Dominators, Barry, what the Green Arrow thought of her, Heatwave's unapologetic flirting, and Sara's slightly subtler flirting, but it all came back to Lena in the end.  
  
She knew Lena was right in fearing the unknown when it came to aliens. The Dominators were completely unknown to the world, besides the top secret governemt officials who were aware of what happened in 1951, who came to Earth seeking only to destroy the human race. Barry was worried about the mistakes he made and the mistakes he believed he was yet to make that would ruin his future and his relationships with those he cared about. Kara was worried for Barry's emotional health and couldn't help but think of Lena constantly worried about all the mistakes she had made and those her family had made. Oliver's skepticism and wariness about Kara and her powers only reminded Kara of her own fears about how Lena would react to her being Supergirl. Not only that, but how Lena would react to her, Kara, or even her, Supergirl, losing her trust in Lena for the brief moment she had while on that pier, watching Lena turn the key, launching the bomb that would have killed all aliens who did not share the same DNA as the Kryptonian. The worst reminder of Lena, though, was the constant flirting Kara had to deal with.  
  
Kara could handle Heatwave's advances. She had to deal with quite a few guys she didn't like, and sometimes couldn't tolerate, who tried to get in her pants back in high school and college. She was at first frightened and disgusted at the idea of a loathsome male trying to woo her, but had grown mostly tolerant, though still annoyed, toward the unchivalrous desires of those types of men. She would have been able to push away the gnawing feeling at the back of her mind and in her heart every time the hot-headed criminal-turned-hero made a flirtatious comment if it weren't for Sara Lance's advances as well. Kara ignored Heatwave's courting, but flushed and stammered at Sara's. Kara felt as if she were betraying the friendship she had with Lena Luthor every time her cheeks burned red or her tounge tied into knots whenever Sara would hit on her. Kara didn't really understand why. She had an inkling, but constantly shoved it into the recesses of her mind.  
  
It wasn't like Kara liked Sara the same way, it was the fact that she felt dirty and bad for not resiting it. No doubt, Kara enjoyed the attention and was very flattered and in other circumstances, might have taken Sara up on some of her offers. But Kara kept thinking of Lena and how Lena would feel if she knew Kara wasn't dismissing or shutting down Sara's advances. It wasn't like Kara had feelings for Lena. Right?  
  
  
\--  
  
  
"How about next time you come to Earth 1, I show you what a vigilante does in their free time?" Sara said to Kara with a wink.  
  
"Sara" Thea warned.  
  
Kara felt her cheeks warm up as she opened and shut her mouth, not trusting herself to say coherent sentences.  
  
"Am I to assume that's a yes?" Sara smirked, a devilish look in her eye.  
  
"I...I would love to, but..." Kara didn't know what else to say. It didn't feel right to accept Sara's invitation, even if Kara knew she was attracted to the other blonde.  
  
Thea raised her eyebrows at Kara's response. It was obvious the younger girl got flustered around Sara and Sara's offers were rarely refused, by men and women alike. Thinking about it, Kara had seemed lost in thought many times during her visit. The Kryptonian seemed to be debating something in her head, a small smile or frown on her face for a few seconds, then gone as Kara pushed the thoughts away. There was always something she was worried by, but Thea couldn't put her finger on it until now.  
  
Maybe Kara was interested in someone back on Earth 3?  
  
"Oh" Sara frowned slightly, then quickly put on a smile to hide her disappointment, "then all us girls can grab some coffee sometime and take a break from saving the world."  
  
Kara had calmed down, forcing her brain to stop spinning and focusing on her departure from Earth 1 in a few minutes. "I would like that." She smiled at the two other girls, who smiled back before all three turned to walk toward Barry and Cisco at the front of the hangar.  
  
After a few 'goodbyes' and 'don't be a stranger' and 'visit soon', Kara stepped through a portal, going home to Earth 3.


	2. Once a Luthor, always a Luthor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is a little late, it proved harder to write than I expected. I had so many thoughts going in and then began going on tangents. Anyway, I hope you like it.

She poured herself another glass, took a sip as she walked back around her desk, feeling the burning sensation roll down her throat, and sighed heavily as she sat back down. The piles of paper work she had gathered for herself that morning were now cleared from her desk, having gone through them all, twice each, in just over 11 hours. She turned toward her computer, checking the time. It was now 4:25pm and Lena had forgotten to eat lunch; the brunette felt her stomach growl at the realization.  
  
How she wished for the bubbly, overexcited, blonde reporter to waltz into her office, politely demanding that Lena eat lunch with her. But alas, Lena feared she had ruined what friendship she had with Kara Danvers after pushing her away, breaking her trust, and letting Kara see Lena exactly how the rest of the world made her out to be, an alien hating Luthor. Lena knew deep down that she wasn't close to being as hateful and ruthless as the other Luthors, but what she had done just the night before only made her fear and doubt herself even more than she ever had.  
  
She had piled task after task onto her own desk that morning to distract herself from thinking, from mulling over the previous night, from trying to understand why she did what she did, from feeling. She didn't want to let herself feel, let herself break. She couldn't. Not now, at least. Not when she had a company to run. Not when she had to try to prove herself to the world, prove she wasn't evil, yet again. She just had to wait until she got home that night, if she ever did, to let her emotions out. But now that she had no more paperwork to do and she didn't have another meeting until 6, Lena felt herself begin to think.  
  
She began processing what had happened, what she had done, and what she had failed to do. She had allied with her mother, with Cadmus. Lena knew her reasons were good: she wanted to take down the horrendous organization from the inside; she wanted to protect people and aliens; she wanted to protect Kara, protect Supergirl. But in doing so, she had betrayed not only her mother, again, but her one friend, who meant the world to Lena.  
  
She hadn't realized she was crying until she felt the tears drip onto her hands, folded in her lap. Lena wiped the tears from her eyes and her face, then called her assistant into the room. "Jess, reschedule my 6 o'clock meeting for tomorrow."  
  
"Yes Ms. Luthor." Jess gave her a puzzled look, it was unknown for Lena to leave work on time, much less early. Jess walked out of her office as Lena stood, grabbing her bag from the coat rack. She walked out of her office and to the elevator, too lost in her own thoughts so notice Jess watch her leave, still with a baffled look on her face.  
  
  
\--  
  
  
"Where to Ms. Luthor?" Lena's personal driver opened the back door of the black Legacy to let her in.  
  
"Noonans," Lena remembered she hadn't eaten that day and she thought Kara's favorite restaurant might cheer her up. She didn't realize it would only make her sadder until she was on her way home, staring at the paper bag next to her, trying to control her breathing.  
  
  
\--  
  
  
Lena walked into her penthouse apartment, white paper Noonans bag in hand. She put the bag on her kitchen counter next to her purse. Lena sighed as she walked to her bedroom to quickly change into something more comfortable. She walked back to the kitchen in a pair of tight leggins and a loose fitting t-shirt.  
  
Lena sat at the counter, opening the take out containers. She sat, eating in silence, her mind going back to the events of that week.  
  
Her only friend had used her to get information on her mother. Lena, herself, had broken Kara's trust after the blonde had broken hers. Lena had worked with Lillian, trying to rationale that it was for the greater good. She had loved the feeling of her mother being proud of her, so much so that she wondered, just for a second, if it was all that bad to give up and be on Lillian's side. But then she remembered her cause. She remembered what she had fought so hard to accomplish with L-Corp. She had wanted to rebuild the Luthor image by rebuilding the Luthor company into a force for good. She couldn't have turned her back on that dream when she was so close to making it a reality.  
  
She betrayed her only friend just so she could betray the last remaining member of her family. True, Lillian wasn't her real mother, by blood or upbrining. Lena knew she didn't really love her daughter; she only loved her baby boy. It didn't make the betrayal sting any less.  
  
But what hurt the most was Kara Danvers.  
  
Lena had suspected Kara of being Supergirl since the gala Lena had invited her to where Supergirl appeared right when Kara mysteriously disappeared. Her suspicions were confirmed when Kara confronted her about her mother being the leader of L-Corp.  
  
_"I'm a pretty good judge of character. And you are not like your mother. She is cold and dangerous. And you are too good and too smart to follow in her path. Be your own hero." Supergirl's words echoed in Lena's head for hours after she left her office._  
  
_"Supergirl thinks she knows me, but she doesn't. We aren't friends so how does she expect to know anything about me." Then it hit her like a train. All the wind knocked out of her, her head reeling, she sat back down on her couch. Supergirl thought she knew Lena becaue she did._  
  
_Lena realized then how easy it was to see that Kara was Supergirl. All the unexpected visits from Supergirl was just Kara checking up on Lena or needing information from her that Kara couldn't ask for under the guise of needing it for a story or as a friend to friend. Every time Supergirl would show up, Kara would be nowhere in sight. Then, once Supergirl would fly away, Kara would reappear or make up a poor excuse for why she left so suddenly._  
  
Since then, Lena had sometimes wondered how the two could be the same girl. Kara was warm, and shy, and bubbly, and clumsy. But Supergirl was strong, fearless, outspoken, and determined. Lena adored Kara and appreciated the good work Supergirl did, but still resented the Kryptonian superhero. She had been raised by the Luthors after all.  
  
Lena knew she had been raised and conditioned to think how the Luthors thought; she had been part of the family since they adopted her. No matter how little time her parents might have spent with Lena, they did raise her. Or, at least they raised Lex, who had a great influence on Lena's life. He had always been there for her. Maybe thats where she had learned to fear aliens. Lena always knew she was different though and not just because she was adopted. She wasn't as convinced as the rest of them; she didn't come to hate aliens as much as the others. They acted irrationally. She knew better, but still harbored some judgement.  
  
Now that Lena had in her knowledge the secret identity of National City's caped hero, she didn't know how to feel. Lena didn't blame Kara for never telling her, she was just afraid of her motives. She thought she knew Kara. She thought Kara would never take advantage of her, of her name. But she did. It left Lena to question if her relationship with Kara would turn into that between her brother, Lex, and Superman. She didn't want to think about it that way, but she was afraid. Afraid of what Supergirl could do. Afraid of what Kara could do. Afraid that with that much power, Kara would abuse it or let it consume her, even if Lena had believed Kara to be self-sacrificing, unlike her self-righteous cousin, Superman.  
  
Lena had began to love the blonde reporter. At least, she thought she had. She deeply cherished their friendship and couldn't help but wish it was more. Her whole perspective changed after she made the connection. All her negative thoughts and fears about Supergirl had tainted her image of Kara. It was like Kara had fallen from grace, as Lucifer fell. An angel, but now feared and enveloped in darkness. Lena knew it was an extreme analogy, but it represented her concerns pretty well. She was afraid that her crush on the girl had made her out to be some holy figure, that could cleanse Lena's blackened sould with a single touch. That she had blinded herself to the nature of all living things, human or alien: flaws.  
  
Supergirl was like a god. With the capability of destroying all life on Earth if she so choosed. This was the thinking that led Lex to madness. But Lena was terrified. Terrified that he might be right, or at least partially. Lena disliked Supergirl because she was worried her brother was right. She was worried that Supergirl was like Superman, blind to his flaws and mistakes.  
  
Lena was forced to merge to two images of the other girl together. And she watched the pristine Kara fall from the pedestal Lena had placed her on. She had landed on the ground, in the dirt, her pureness dirtied, smudged. Lena knew Kara was no devil or demon. But the vast comparison between what Lena now saw and what she had made Kara out to be made the story of Lucifer seem fitting in Lena's eyes.  
  
But Lena knew, even Lucifer needed to be prayed for, because he was the one who needed it the most. And so Lena prayed: that Kara wasn't cold, that she wasn't taking advantage of Lena or her name, that Lena could forgive her, that they could move past this. But it would be hard. They both needed to atone, needed to forgive, needed to grow and change. But they had to do that in their own time and on their own terms. They couldn't mend their relationship right away. Self-healing needed to happen first.  
  
As Lena crawled under her sheets, her face still damp from crying, she pondered her last thought. Lena wasn't fazed by the fact she had been crying the entire time she was sitting at her counter, thinking. Lena had done a lot of crying the past week. She tried to be positive. She needed to mend herself. She needed to heal. Then she could begin to feel happy again and feel better about the work she was doing with her company. She pushed the thoughts of Kara away until she could come to forgive her and forgive herself. So exhausted from work and from crying, Lena soon drifted off to sleep, ready to face the next day and ready to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoping to post chapter 3 before New Years.

**Author's Note:**

> A captain will go down with his ship. (Hence the name, CaptainGay, if it wasn't obvious.)


End file.
